Mere Memories

Recently my brother blogged about his memories of my dad and I learned a bunch and I really enjoyed the read.  It made me think about what I remember of my dad, who died pretty tragically the summer after my kindergarten year.

I can’t tell the order of these brief moments in time but these are my only memories.

I think this happened almost every day, so it’s more of a routine than a specific memory.  I picture Dad leaving for work out the front door.  We didn’t have a garage at that point.  He would say, “See you later, Alligator.”   And we would respond, “After awhile Crocodile.”

I remember myself and other children snuggling in my parents’ bedroom, everyone spooned and it being this super wonderful thing.  My dad would be hugging my mom and then kids on either side.   Love was enveloped around me and I think that’s the thing I missed the most as I got older.  Weekend late starts were the times I think I remember, as there was no rushing to get somewhere those mornings.

This memory is very short; it’s when I walked into our new stake center chapel during construction. My mother was looking for my dad who worked on that building a ton from what I’ve heard.  We walked into the cultural hall/gym and he was way up high and it was a bit scary seeing him up there, yet it was more of a curiosity than really frightening.  Maybe he was installing the ceiling tiles or lighting, I’m not sure, but he was very high.  Our good family friend, Brent has said that there wasn’t a part of that building that didn’t have my dad’s hands on it during the construction.

One morning shortly before the accident I can remember very distinctly my father waking me up, just me.  I was in a bunk bed, on the top, and he woke me up saying that it was my turn to go canoeing with him and I was super excited.  I was a little drowsy, so the morning is a bit dream like, but the sun was already bright in the sky and it was a perfect temperature outside.  We loaded the canoe on the carrier and headed down to the pond at the bottom of our street.

I was in front and Dad very gently told me how it worked to paddle as a team and we set off staying pretty close to the shore line.  I remember ducks and the tall weeds along the shore and how sometimes we were almost headed into the weeds, we were so close.  It was a magical morning and being one of five children, time alone with Dad was pretty precious.   Considering the timing of this, I consider this one of the most precious moments of my life and glad that it is still such a strong memory for me.  Canoeing or paddling something is still a treasured activity in my heart.

Another memory is a bit of a volatile moment in my childhood.  I remember that my parents were arguing about something and cross, angry words were said and then my dad walked out of the house.  .  I remember the feelings as a young child of that moment during the anger.  Feeling like the world was crashing and burning and not at all sure how it would end.  

I think he might have grabbed my baby brother as he did.  He set out on foot and I was left with my mother who was visibly upset and after a short while she took me with her and we went down the hill looking for dad I assumed.  Somewhere on the street below our house they found each other and apologized and hugged and that was that.

This memory is a number of children, sitting and lying on the big bed in my parent’s room watching as my dad sketched with charcoal pencils.  It was a super warm fuzzy experience that I’m sure happened more than once.

Well that’s it.  I remember parts of the funeral and the night of the accident, huddled in my grandparents cellar waiting out the storm.  But those are pretty much the only memories I have of my dad.  I’ve been told things and seen pictures, even video at Aunt Roses, but they are not really my experience.

Miracle helper or creep – this is the choice…

I have a new goal, to not only listen to the spirit, but actually do what he says to do.  I had a rather sad experience in Chicago when I was headed home last month and it’s sort of become my last straw in – I’m tired of having bad experiences with the spirit and want to turn this around.

Here’s my sad little tale.  I was headed home from being at a convention and I stopped at a deli next to my hotel and bought a sandwich to take on the flight.  As I was getting condiments for it at the little self serve bar, I had a clear thought to get some crackers.  I second guessed the thought, my normal mode of operation – QUESTION everything….  And my rational self said –“You don’t need crackers, you are not having soup, and you don’t need those extra calories & it would basically be stealing from this business… you DON’T NEED CRACKERS”  end of argument in my head.  Move on to catching a train to airport and get into the longest security line of my life….

Now I’m sitting in the waiting area at my gate and this guy rolls up in a wheelchair and the airport helper helps him out and he lies in front of me on the floor.  He’s a younger guy and he says to me and the lady next to me…  “I just got air sick on the last flight and now I have to fly again…  I think I’m going to die…”  or something to that effect.   Well he looked just awful and I really felt for him, but then I have this clear thought in my head that said, “This is who the crackers were for.”  And I almost started crying.

I could have just picked up some crackers – I could have helped God with his purposes and been an angel in his hands.  It was my vanity of my waist line, and not wanting to look bad or whatever….that got in the way of me being there for someone.  I don’t want to do that anymore.  I want to feel the good feelings instead of tripping over myself and feeling like a creep.

To start my new mission I actually listened to a prompting the other day.  Bill and I were headed to our car in a parking structure downtown and I saw this lady trying to back out.  She was in a blind spot that was hard to see cars coming around the corner and the cars were coming down in a steady stream.  I had this urge to help her, no voice, not specifics, just a nudge.  So I walked over to the middle of the traffic and held the traffic back and motioned for her to come out.  She did and opened the window and shouted out – “Thank-you” and I had that good feeling and didn’t feel like a creep.

I want more of that.

Early Menopause? No not me!

I have this love/hate relationship with the medical profession.  I’m more in love with alternative medicine as they aren’t into as many absolutes as the traditional medical doctors.  I used to have much more respect for MD’s, and then they started to give me bad information. Namely I was told in my late 30’s that – nope…. You are not pre-menopausal, you are too young, and no way is that your issue.  They labeled me “hormonally unbalanced”  – which sounds like mentally unstable when you hear it.  Either way, it’s not helpful.  They really didn’t offer me anything other than anti-depressants to deal with it.  Drugs did not do a lot to help the symptoms I was having and really just made me a little angry with the entire thing.

Time passes, I deal with night sweats, and panic feeling, tiredness, just generally not feeling like myself.  Then one day I go for a physical and waa laa…  the question…. When was the last time you had a period?  Oh it was 7 years ago.  Well… the same doctor proudly announces, with her power of deduction…. You are post-menopausal.   How can that be… I’m still young, I couldn’t be post, if I was never pre?

Thank you medical profession for NOTHING!!  Thanks for acting like I was a crazy when I needed the most support of my life.  Thanks for offering a band-aid to help my moods, when I was bleeding to death!

Basically they don’t do anything, cause they don’t know what to do.  Their training is give her a pill – that’s it.  They don’t say – you might want to avoid some foods, get some extra nutrients, or you now have to exercise every day.  It’s my prescription… I’m writing it down… and I’m going to check on you, cause I’m part of your wellness team.  NO – that wouldn’t feed the drug industry, who is their (the doctors) only cheerleaders and support. (but that’s another subject)

I don’t harbor bad feelings toward these doctors, I really don’t.  I just know that they have their limitations.  They are, after all, only “practicing medicine.”  And before you start thinking… second opinion, you should have gotten a second opinion.  I did.  Same thing – “hormonally unbalanced.”

Now I am many years into this new knowledge of post-menopause.  I know it could have been worse.  I didn’t have hot flashes! Yeah – I got away easy.  NO, I’m kidding, what I went through may not be hot flashes, but it was not pleasant and caused me a lot of fear of the unknown.  I think panic attacks were my hot flashes – it’s what my body did.

I should have been doing preventative measures for osteoporosis.  My new doctor wanted me to get screened for a base line, and again – the news was, well you already have that.  I say – how bad is my score, and she says, well I’ve never seen a number larger than yours.  That’s not good.  I’m not even 50 yet.

Moral of the story – take care of yourself!!

Spirits work with Nature

Yesterday I finished reading Marie Osmond’s book, “Might as well laugh about it now,” and the last chapter made me cry. I know it was a spiritual experience for her, but I didn’t realize until today why I reacted to it so. She has an experience with butterflies at her mother’s grave side service where two butterflies danced around the members of the family, and her dad. Her mom died on Mother’s day, isn’t that great or sad… I haven’t decided. Anyway, a year later Marie had a bit of a melt down and was directed to a funky department in a favorite department store that her and her mom often went to and was prompted to look at a skirt that had a butterfly print. Just one lone skirt in the mix of many and she felt it was a direct message from her mom. It comforted and helped her in her grief.

Well, when I was a new mom  (my baby is turning 21 this month), I had an experience one afternoon that I don’t like to share with people because it’s a little out there. No more out there then butterflies so I’ll write it down and you can choose to believe or not… whatever. I was nursing Dirk to sleep on the couch in our little two bedroom condo near the San Francisco Bay in Alameda, California. Our couch faced the courtyard and we had a shaded balcony that had a view of tall trees and not much else. We lived in a corner unit on the third floor, which was the top of the building. It was a very peaceful afternoon and I was in major love with my new baby and cherishing the whole caregiver thing. I had that feeling where you suddenly feel like you aren’t alone and looked up at the balcony. There was a colorful blue heron standing on the black metal railing looking in our large sliding glass window. The majestic huge bird was looking directly at me. The bird looked exactly like the painting that my father had painted when he was alive. My father died when I was just 5 years old. He loved to create and had worked with oils and charcoal. My favorite painting that he did was a large beautiful bird.

My first and only thought was that my dad was here to see my first born and have me introduce him and show him off a little. I don’t think I talked out loud; I just had this conversation in my head. It was wonderful and it brought me to huge messy tears and I basked in it for a long time. The bird just kept looking in. Then I got a little… not doubtful, as I didn’t even sort of doubt the moment, but fearful that others wouldn’t believe it and I wanted to share this experience. So I set Dirk down and went to get my camera. (Photography being one of my creative loves) When I came back the bird had left, of course.

I lived and walked near the beach in Alameda two years and not once did I ever see a bird like this. Not that breed or that big of a bird. There were plenty of sea gulls, and pelicans, and tons of little birds but I never saw a blue heron. Our balcony couldn’t have been easy to land on with all the trees surrounding it. Marie’s story was not the first time I heard about someone having experiences like mine. Just last year, I read about birds doing things around people that just lost a child in my friend – Jenny Young’s book, “Naming the Child”. Spirits work with nature. It’s just the coolest thing.

So…What if Mormons are right?

I read an article in a Belfast newspaper that is thought provoking - http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/opinion/columnists/eamon-mccann/eamonn-mccann-what-if-mormons-are-right-and-catholics-and-protestants-wrong-13955402.html

Love the idea (read the article) of covering your bases.  Also the idea of  -why not let the Mormons baptise your dead relatives.  What could it really hurt if you don’t think there is any truth to it.  Letting people decide if they accept the gift is the way it is regardless of whether they are dead or a tiny baby.  Such a good point.

 I’ve thought about what it will be like at the gates of Heaven.  I imagine that it will be a sudden remembering all that happened before and what you just did and it might be sad, but hopefully most of us will be proud of how we got through it.  Maybe we will have great compassion for our little earthly brains and how we handled the trials that were put before us.   Compassion and self-forgiveness will hopefully be the theme to that moment.  It will be a happy mood to see those that have gone before us and reconnect.  The scriptures say that to God our time on earth is like a twinkling of an eye and I hope that’s how it will feel when we get to that stage.  If it is, I don’t think it will be a tearful reunion, more of just a “Hey Dad – great to see you.  Glad to be home with you again.”  Then I will remember all that he is and remember the relationship that we already had.   There are so many unknowns and possibilities.  I think God looks at your heart and if you love yourself and mankind and strive to add light to the thing we call life – everything will work itself out in the afterlife.  That said, I do like having the temple in my life and having a place to go to feel so close to the spirit world and renew covenants that I’ve made to live in a positive way.  It’s just a great thing that I do wish everybody had.

Nomad with blood type B – pretty much describes me!

I have been working with the “Blood type Diet” for about 6 months now. Results – I have lost 17 pounds and feel much better. So, last night, after having headache off and on all day I was feeling somewhat fatalistic – I decided, forget this, I want some “Butter Chicken” from my favorite Indian food restaurant. The Curry Leaf at Bethany Village – so yummy. The only problem is this dish has two of my avoid foods -chicken and tomatoes. Sounds ridiculous… no? Chicken, the good for you white meat and tomatoes you need those for the lycopene, and plenty of vitamin C. Only problem, they literally make me sick. Right now, I am awake at 5AM with severe bloating, gas, and swelling. My tummy, which was trim and fit yesterday, is back to bloated and fat today. My feet & hands hurt from swelling and won’t fit my wedding ring. All this in one night – crazy. If I were not living it, I would not believe it. I am documenting this while it is happening so maybe, just maybe… I will quit testing this theory and just avoid my avoid list. Corn, soy, sesame, chicken, pork, tomatoes, avocados, wheat. Inflammation is the cause of most sickness and these foods cause me MAJOR inflammation. It’s really that simple. Oh… my tummy hurts!! Now here’s a weird thing… you think… oh you probably just have a touch of food poisoning or something. The best thing for me to do right now, go and eat some pineapple. That will start to settle my stomach. Is that on the first foods list? Pineapple has bromelain. When taken with meals, bromelain is believed to assist in the digestion of proteins. When taken on an empty stomach, it is believed to act medicinally as an anti-inflammatory agent. I can testify that it works. So off I go to fix the mess I made of my digestive system.

Genotype Diet – is the book that goes into further depth, from where the “Blood Type Diet” left off.

“I Think I’m Having a Panic Attack”

I need to add a post-script to this as I was recently diagnosed with a heart condition making me unsure if I was having true panic attacks or having an actual heart problem at the time.  I have atrial fibrillation which causes my heart to randomly change beats to faster, uneven etc.  When it does it a lot it makes me very tired and it used to freak me out… causing the panic.  Now I’m used to it, but the Docs would prefer that it didn’t happen as it’s a leading cause of stroke.  When you don’t get enough blood moving consistently you have more chance of blood clots.  I feel the need to mention this, as you do need to get yourself checked out if you are having palpitations.  The trick is getting it to show up on a EKG – when you happen to be in a doc office.  I finally had it happen while I was at my annual physical – I was NOT panic -ing.  I have had numerous EKG’s come up normal in the past when I mentioned my rapid heart beat to doctors.  That said – the anxiety is still something I’m glad to know how to deal with now.

 

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The more we talk and hear about this, the more we are likely to have them.  That said, I am going to go against my personal rule to “never talk about it anymore” to write what helped me and continues to help to not have these nasty episodes.  I don’t like to think about how long I “suffered” from them, but it was about four years or so.    When they started, I first turned to reading everything about them;   how I just needed to relax or take medication or realize what had caused them, and find my triggers.  I analyzed how a very high stress, fast moving lifestyle and some trauma had left me with some post-traumatic symptoms. The whole fight and flight response gone wild….   If you don’t know anything about that, maybe you need a little education, but it’s not that helpful.

Regardless – I’ve found that analyzing all that did squat to help me.  What finally did help me was a combination of hypnotherapy (took care of the post-traumatic reactions)  and something I found in the middle of the night on the internet called the “Linden Method.”   For $75, this person claims he can help anyone get out of the pattern.  It was worth $75 for me, (price might be different now… this was a while ago)    For nothing, I will tell you what about this program helped me.  He has you read all about his experience – which was bad, and he had tried all kinds of meds with no success.  Then he has you read a list of possible symptoms, which are amazingly wide and varied.  Then he says – and I’m not quoting here… more of how I hear things – It’s all in your head, and ONLY your head can fix this mess.  First, stop reading about this subject, start focusing on something more interesting and pleasurable.  (After I am finished…please)

He explains that all the symptoms that you are having (if a Doctor has already told you they are anxiety related- heart monitor shows you have a good heart.. for example)  The symptoms are sensations, ones that we don’t have to put up with.  There are things you can do and you can be free of this and get control over the triggers.  Dwelling on why – is completely counterproductive.

The very first step is making sure you are ready to be done with these.  Make sure you are not getting something from them that you are not ready to give up… Like extra attention from anyone.  Maybe you don’t get extra attention, but wish you would.   Your body and mind can relearn and retrain for wellness.  ONLY you are keeping you in the pattern.  If you want to get over these, you can.   If you don’t think you can on your own, then you won’t.  It’s really that simple.  Yes- you can have support, but only you can do it.  You are not going crazy… you are a product of too much media that told our brains about “anxiety attacks”  and it sounded like a good avoidance method to our slightly obnoxious brains.   If it were just our spirits involved here, they would not have bought in to this.

Fact is people do not die from panic attacks.  I have fainted briefly and that is as bad as it ever got, the second I was unconscious (got my mind out of it) my body took over and breathing went on normally.  You do not need to know that really, just moving on is what is needed.   It is good to realize that the fear that something REALLY bad is going on - is an illusion.

These are my favorite methods (pick one… not all at the same time).   Use the second you have  the start of an anxious sensation.

1- I reach out and feel the texture of something and really think about how it feels – even massaging my own hand, whatever.

2- I sigh – breathe out –NOT big deep breath, that’s what screws you up and makes you hyperventilate – you breath out, long slow. Focus on the exhale.  Let your healthy, (smarter than you) body take the appropriate breath in AUTOMATICALLY.  Then you will get the right amount of oxygen.

3- Have fun music, in the background – nice distraction.

4-      I have a couple great meditation/hypnosis CD’s that I listen to if other things aren’t working.  They put me to sleep pretty fast and when I wake, life goes on fresh and new.

5- Say out loud “STOP” – relax your shoulders and straighten your neck, pull chin back into chest.  Posture, so that your lungs can function properly.

6- Really look around, see everything like it’s the first time, and listen carefully, thinking about what is around you in detail.

7- If I’m having a specific fear and it’s not realistic, I talk myself through it with some humor…

Like – so what if we fly off this road, at least we will die together.  My humor is probably not yours…  Change “what ifs”  to “so what”

Prevention

1 Snack between meals, not sugar- go for seeds, nuts, veggies, protein, and regular exercise.  I am better with the food than the exercise but do see a difference when I am spending time exercising – especially relaxing Pilates, stretching or yoga.

2 Diversion – that is the key – fill your day with things that you enjoy focusing on –I started with puzzles.  NOT TV    Do things without pondering on why… you should or shouldn’t – avoid negative thought.  Photography is a good thing,  putting all your focus on the view finder.  I do not do scary movies; I do not need an outside source for fear.

3 Getting off all meds for anxiety is the goal, but of course, you need to find out how to get off appropriately.

4 Ignoring the sensations is the ultimate goal after you’ve mastered stopping them dead in their tracks.  Distraction is the tool.

Panic attacks are the fear of fear… what a stupid vicious cycle.

Now I’d like to go into how this fits with my religious beliefs.   God has not created a fear-based gospel.

We are to live in faith – remember this?  Luke 2  Fear not: for, behold, I bring you ^agood tidings of great ^bjoy, which shall be to all people. God does not want us to fear.  Fear breeds inaction.  God operates in love, not with fear.  He wants us to DO things, experience life and serve.   Joy does not come from what we do, it flows from us into what we do.  We can have joy doing simple task.  It’s really up to us.

We may have many experiences with the Holy Ghost  where he has warned us of different things.  We may have had our heart quickened when we were about to bear our testimony of something.  What is the difference between the panic heart racing and the spirit getting you to speak up or act?  This took a lot of time for me to figure out.  Well – this is what I have learned…. The Spirit is not going to tell us to be afraid – cause you are randomly about to die.    The spirit heightens our awareness when we are in a bad situation and gives us instruction on what to do.  The fight or flight response is a subtle difference as it can be triggered by things that are not real.    I had to realize that there is more than one voice in my head.  Who I am, my spirit self and my mind/physical brain are not always on the same page.  Then there is the Holy Ghost, who is not half as loud as my brain voice – the critic.  I have to really listen to hear the Holy Ghost.  My brain can’t be going all over the place and decifer the prompting of the Holy Ghost.  My real self, my spirit self has options and can stop the child that is my brains banter if I determine to.

For example – I had a prowler in my room when I was about 18 and I woke with the fear that he was going to hurt me and my heart was pounding – so loudly that I thought he could probably hear it.  I prayed and the spirit told me to pretend to be asleep.  I did and he left; only stealing money on his way out.    The spirit didn’t help me freak out,.. it calmed me with a plan.

In an anxiety attack, there is no plan, just lost of control and no end in sight.   Yes, I have prayed during an attack, but there was nothing real going on – just my mind going down a bad road.  Heavenly Father wants you to stop having anxiety.  You need to notice if you feel a little uncomfortable, maybe you do need to do something, but melt down is not the best option.

Gordon B. Hinckley - Quotes:

Fear and worry have gripped the hearts of many. The Lord has said, “If ye are prepared ye shall not fear”

Fear not; only believe. This is the time, Fear not; only believe.

Isaiah 41:10 ^aFear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

When you see the wording “Fear the Lord” in the scriptures there is always a notation that explains the translation in this context means reverence or worship. It’s more of respect than what we think of when we say we fear something or someone.

Book of Mormon, Alma 26: 27

27 Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to ^aturn back, behold, the Lord ^bcomforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with ^cpatience thine ^dafflictions, and I will give unto you success.

Message here – this could take time and we need to be gentle with ourselves.  We need to have patience to see the light at the end of the tunnel.   Keep trying and don’t turn back to the old ways of dealing with things.  This could be the best thing that ever happened to you to make you grow and develop.

Part of a good talk by Elder Holland: Don’t Lose Confidence

I wish to encourage every one of you regarding opposition that so often comes after enlightened decisions have been made, after moments of revelation and conviction have given us a peace and an assurance we thought we would never lose.

Paul said to those who thought a new testimony, a personal conversion, or a spiritual experience would put them beyond trouble, “Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompense of reward.

“For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise” (Heb. 10:35–36).

In LDS talk that is to say, “Sure it is tough. But don’t draw back. Don’t panic and retreat. Don’t lose your confidence. Don’t forget how you once felt. Don’t distrust the experience you had.” That tenacity is what saved Moses when the adversary confronted him, and it is what will save you.

This opposition turns up almost anyplace something good has happened. It can happen when you are trying to get an education. It can hit you after your first month in your new mission field. It certainly happens in matters of love and marriage.

Yes, there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been genuine illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it, trusted it, and lived for it, it is right now. Don’t give up when the pressure mounts. Face your doubts. Master your fears. “Cast not away therefore your confidence.” Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you.

Jeffrey R. Holland, “Remember How You Felt,” New Era, Aug 2004, 5 – entire talk is GREAT!

http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=024644f8f206c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=1aab85f10e6fb010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1

Great story told by Pres. Ezra Taft Benson

In March 1934 Admiral Richard Byrd (explorer of the North and South Poles) isolated himself in the wastes of Antarctica in a little nine-by-thirteen-foot hut buried in the snow. There he planned to remain during the six-month-long night, making weather observations. He took this task on himself. He would not order any of his men to do it.

One day he went outside to check the instruments in the midst of a raging blizzard. When he tried to get back inside the hut, he found the trapdoor frozen. He pulled and yanked, exerting all his strength. It was like trying to pull open a locked bank vault. The door was frozen solid. He tried to scrape off some of the snow around the edges. He threw himself on the door, trying to break the ice by the pressure of his body. He pulled, tugged, pushed, and pounded until he was worn out. Then he was terribly cold, even through his heavy clothing. His fingers were numb, losing feeling. He was alone in vast Antarctica, the frozen, wild wastelands.

The wind tore at him. He was about to panic. Ten minutes more in the cold, and it would be too late! With the mighty effort of his will, he resisted panic; he prayed. He forced himself to rest quietly, to think, to concentrate. Suddenly he remembered—a shovel! The other day when he had been checking the instruments, he had left a shovel outside. He crawled around. It had snowed a great deal in the past two days. Where was the shovel? He slipped and fell, and as he crashed, he struck something hard. He seized it; he had the shovel.

Now, back to the trapdoor of the hut! Somehow he got back. Somehow he wedged the handle of the shovel under the handle of the trapdoor. His hands were almost useless by this time. He threw his body across the handle of the shovel, and, God be praised, the ice cracked and the door opened.

How wonderful it would be if people everywhere could all be found daily—night and morning—on their knees, expressing thanks for blessings already received, acknowledging their dependence upon God, and seeking His divine guidance.

The example of people praying is more awe-inspiring, more powerful, than the explosion of an atomic bomb. The force of prayer is greater than any possible combination of man-controlled powers.

*****

I am going to finish this with this wonderful poem by MaryAnn Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves: who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

Recommended reading – Book of Mormon, and Remembering Wholeness by Carol Tuttle

Word of Wisdom

THE
DOCTRINE AND COVENANTS
OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS

SECTION 89

Revelation given through Joseph Smith the Prophet, at Kirtland, Ohio, February 27, 1833. HC 1: 327–329. As a consequence of the early brethren using tobacco in their meetings, the Prophet was led to ponder upon the matter; consequently he inquired of the Lord concerning it. This revelation, known as the Word of Wisdom, was the result. The first three verses were originally written as an inspired introduction and description by the Prophet.

1–9, Use of wine, strong drinks, tobacco, and hot drinks proscribed; 10–17, Herbs, fruits, flesh, and grain are ordained for the use of man and of animals; 18–21, Obedience to gospel law, including the Word of Wisdom, brings temporal and spiritual blessings.

  1 A Word OF Wisdom, for the benefit of the council of high priests, assembled in Kirtland, and the church, and also the saints in Zion—

  2 To be sent greeting; not by commandment or constraint, but by revelation and the word of wisdom, showing forth the order and will of God in the temporal salvation of all saints in the last days—

  3 Given for a principle with promise, adapted to the capacity of the weak and the weakest of all saints, who are or can be called saints.

  4 Behold, verily, thus saith the Lord unto you: In consequence of evils and designs which do and will exist in the hearts of conspiring men in the last days, I have warned you, and forewarn you, by giving unto you this word of wisdom by revelation—

  5 That inasmuch as any man drinketh wine or strong drink among you, behold it is not good, neither meet in the sight of your Father, only in assembling yourselves together to offer up your sacraments before him.

  6 And, behold, this should be wine, yea, pure wine of the grape of the vine, of your own make.

  7 And, again, strong drinks are not for the belly, but for the washing of your bodies.

  8 And again, tobacco is not for the body, neither for the belly, and is not good for man, but is an herb for bruises and all sick cattle, to be used with judgment and skill.

  9 And again, hot drinks are not for the body or belly.

  10 And again, verily I say unto you, all wholesome herbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man—

  11 Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with prudence and thanksgiving.

  12 Yea, flesh also of beasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used sparingly;

  13 And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be used, only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine.

  14 All grain is ordained for the use of man and of beasts, to be the staff of life, not only for man but for the beasts of the field, and the fowls of heaven, and all wild animals that run or creep on the earth;

  15 And these hath God made for the use of man only in times of famine and excess of hunger.

  16 All grain is good for the food of man; as also the fruitof the vine; that which yieldeth fruit, whether in the ground or above the ground—

  17 Nevertheless, wheat for man, and corn for the ox, and oats for the horse, and rye for the fowls and for swine, and for all beasts of the field, and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain.

  18 And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones;

  19 And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;

  20 And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.

  21 And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen.

 

This is a document that gets a lot of attention, as it should, in that as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we have had a directive in staying healthy since the 1800′s.  Pretty cool- I think.  Not having to be concerned being addicted to tobacco, alcohol and caffeine has been a blessing in my life.   The hot drink at the time was tea and coffee.  From that we assume it’s the caffeine that we should avoid, although that’s not one of those items that LDS are in agreement on.  Many of my LDS friends drink Diet Coke or Pepsi.  I don’t think it’s healthy to be addicted to the caffeine, but what’s worse is the artificial sweeteners that they are now finding don’t tell your body when it’s had enough.  Sugar – the real stuff, can stimulate the area of the brain related to expectation and satisfaction, which helps to switch off the desire for more sweetness.  Using brain imaging, research has discovered that artificial sweeteners are not activating the same neural pathways.  So you want more and more and more.  High fructose corn syrup – which is in practically everything – does the same thing.  That’s why America is getting fatter and fatter.  Conspiring men want us to keep eating and drinking and to never be satisfied.

Here is a little more info for you  – from Prevention.com  -written by Ben Kramer

“Cola type soft drinks can damage your kidneys.

Verdict: FACT. Despite their global popularity, there’s nothing remotely healthy about cola beverages: Drinking 16 ounces or more daily (whether diet or regular) doubles your risk of chronic kidney disease, according to a recent NIH study of more than 900 people. The researchers already knew that consuming any type of soft drink–the average American adult guzzles 59 gallons’ worth per year–is associated with several risk factors for kidney disease (hypertension, diabetes, and kidney stones), but the spike in the cola category was remarkable. Experts suspect that the ingredient phosphoric acid may be the culprit; it’s been repeatedly linked to “urinary changes that promote kidney stones,” say the study authors. Cola has an additional knock against it: Consumption is associated with significantly lower bone density in women, increasing the risk of osteoporosis and bone fractures, says a separate study.

 Bottom Line:If you’re going to indulge in an occasional soda, go for Sprite, 7-Up, ginger ale, and the like–the NIH study found that noncola drinks didn’t have the same impact on the kidneys. But you’ll be better off if you skip soda altogether, even the sugar-free varieties: Recent research showed an association between drinking diet soda and weight gain.”

 

What do we know about coffee – 175 years after this prophesy:

“Recent study at the Duke University Medical Center, found that levels of adrenalin and noradrenaline remained elevated at night even when subjects had slurped their last cup of coffee at lunchtime – in effect, mimicking 24-hour stress. And that’s not the only charge Haynes levels at the world’s second favorite drink, after tea. ‘Coffee is an anti-nutrient,’ he says. ‘It hampers the absorption of essential minerals including iron, magnesium, zinc and potassium, as well as the B vitamins.’ So, for example, drinking a cup of coffee while eating a hamburger can reduce the amount of iron you absorb by 40 percent, while zinc absorption is reduced if coffee is drunk within an hour after a meal.”

“Even more sinister links have been made between coffee and ill health. Various studies have concluded that avid coffee drinkers are more at risk of miscarriage and birth defects, osteoporosis, arthritis and heart disease.”

More on coffee:  

“Coffee gets its kick from caffeine, one of a group of naturally occurring plant-derived compounds called methylxanthines. Caffeine is a drug, pure and simple. It’s addictive. Too much can be toxic. Withdrawal causes side effects such as headaches and dizziness. When ingested, caffeine has a ‘global’ effect, meaning it influences all body tissues, including muscle.” http://www.ineedcoffee.com/03/coffeefitness/

I like the heart smart campaign:  http://www.heartsmartpledge.org/healthy-eating.php It sounds a lot like what I’ve been raised believing.

The fun? of Losing your Hearing….

Doc says it’s not the Rock Concerts I went to as a teen, it’s not the ton’s of airplane flights I’ve been on, it’s not the loud music in the car, it’s not anything I’ve done… it’s just genetic.  Makes sense… my Aunts and Uncles have all lost their hearing – but they were much older than me when they noticed.  I didn’t really notice… my family did.  It took them 2 years to convince me that there was a problem.  Yeah… so I can’t hear the oven timer, I’ve never been able to rely on that.  Even in my early 20′s I preferred a timer that hung around my neck to remind me I was cooking.   I did notice that on my nifty phone, I had the volume set on the highest possible setting, that just seemed to be a cool feature.  I always turned the TV up louder when I came to watch.  My husband would ask if I could turn it down,  annoying…. how will I hear the dialog.  But no… I’m not losing my hearing.   Then I finally went to have the ears tested.  Let’s just prove to these people once and for all – put this idea to bed – my ears are fine.

I went into the little sound proof room.  Raise your hand as soon as you hear something.   Left ear, right ear, front and back.  Now listen to these words and repeat back.  Some of the words didn’t make sense, but that’s probably just part of the test.  Looking good, I don’t think I missed anything, the rhythm of the test seemed steady.  Except for the parts where she was adjusting things.

Then the lady comes in and says – “Well… I could fit you for hearing aids today if you would like.”  I lost my breathe.  I said…” what???  But I did so well? ”  She says, “You heard everything you could.”

I started to tear up.  Then she said, “When do you have problems hearing?”  I said – well… just in loud restaurants or at church or when people whisper… (like at the temple) – but it’s not that big of a problem.”

She said – “Think about it, sounds like you need time to adjust to the news, but whenever you are ready – hearing aids will help.

Off to my car I went, with a goal to grow out my hair past my ears.  A year later, with long hair – I went to Costco to be fitted with hearing aids.  I was 45 years old.  So basically somewhere around 40 I started to lose my hearing.  The friendly guy at the Aloha Costco tested me again and put some percentages on my loss which were not encouraging.  He said I was missing some higher frequencies and missed the hard consonants – like T, P and K ‘s etc.. which seems really weird, but that’s why the word test seems foreign in spots, cause I’m missing the beginning of the words.    So I got hearing aids.

I don’t wear them all the time.  I found out the world is much noisier than I had thought.  I thought our neighborhood was amazingly quiet.  Not so…  I thought my cats had the oddest meows.  Turns out I was just missing many of the pitches, so it was a little broken up.  I would probably get used to them if I wore them all the time, but they do tire me out.  It’s all too much to hear, after a large sabbatical.

They are great in restaurants.  I can block out the background noise and I can probably hear better than most people in noisy places now.   I didn’t go cheap – my hearing aids have many settings.  I still like to have the words on the bottom of the screen for reading dialog during movies.  Did you know that the actors don’t always say what’s scripted?  I also like the description of horse neighing etc…

I realized that I had been guessing what people were saying for a long time before I came to grips with my loss.  Sometimes… “That’s fun.” is the wrong response to someones comment.  Like if they say… “my father passed away.”  and you think they are telling you about their fathers last vacation… it just doesn’t work to guess.   I’ve had people tell me that when they first met me they thought I was rude, snobby, or aloof.  No, just in my own little zone and can’t hear you or have stopped trying to hear, cause it was frustrating.

So maybe I didn’t cause my own hearing loss.  But what if I didn’t help the situation… what if my kids who are predisposed to the genetic condition listen to their Ipods for more than an hour a day at a higher setting than recommended.  Will they start to go deaf before they are 40?   Our relatives live until their 90′s on both sides of the family… That’s a LONG time to not hear without a battery operated device.   Glad I have the option, but keeping your ears safe and well is the better route.

http://www.betterhearing.org/hearing_loss_prevention/?gclid=CJTP2onh0ZQCFR4vagodrXQ-kQ

Portland OR – LDS Artist Concerts

Looking for a great date night or family friendly venue?

Live in Portland OR – or plan to visit in June?

June 14th 2008 – Jim Band Produced – http://www.jimband.com/concerts.htm

 Stephanie Smith opening -  http://www.myspace.com/stephaniesmith  – to hear sample of her music.   Story teller through song – WONDERFUL

Eclipse – headliner -  http://eclipsesingers.com/  if you like great music take the time to see these guys. They are great.

WHERE: 

Century Senior High School
2000 SE Century Blvd
Hillsboro, OR

WHEN:  June 14th 2008  7:30

Tickets available through the Jim Band web site: http://www.jimband.com/concerts.htm