The more we talk and hear about this, the more we are likely to have them.  That said, I am going to go against my personal rule to “never talk about it anymore” to write what helped me and continues to help to not have these nasty episodes.  I don’t like to think about how long I “suffered” from them, but it was about four years or so.    When they started, I first turned to reading everything about them;   how I just needed to relax or take medication or realize what had caused them, and find my triggers.  I analyzed how a very high stress, fast moving lifestyle and some trauma had left me with some post-traumatic symptoms. The whole fight and flight response gone wild….   If you don’t know anything about that, maybe you need a little education, but it’s not that helpful.

Regardless – I’ve found that analyzing all that did squat to help me.  What finally did help me was a combination of hypnotherapy (took care of the post-traumatic reactions)  and something I found in the middle of the night on the internet called the “Linden Method.”   For $75, this person claims he can help anyone get out of the pattern.  It was worth $75 for me, (price might be different now… this was a while ago)    For nothing, I will tell you what about this program helped me.  He has you read all about his experience – which was bad, and he had tried all kinds of meds with no success.  Then he has you read a list of possible symptoms, which are amazingly wide and varied.  Then he says – and I’m not quoting here… more of how I hear things – It’s all in your head, and ONLY your head can fix this mess.  First, stop reading about this subject, start focusing on something more interesting and pleasurable.  (After I am finished…please)

He explains that all the symptoms that you are having (if a Doctor has already told you they are anxiety related- heart monitor shows you have a good heart.. for example)  The symptoms are sensations, ones that we don’t have to put up with.  There are things you can do and you can be free of this and get control over the triggers.  Dwelling on why – is completely counterproductive.

The very first step is making sure you are ready to be done with these.  Make sure you are not getting something from them that you are not ready to give up… Like extra attention from anyone.  Maybe you don’t get extra attention, but wish you would.   Your body and mind can relearn and retrain for wellness.  ONLY you are keeping you in the pattern.  If you want to get over these, you can.   If you don’t think you can on your own, then you won’t.  It’s really that simple.  Yes- you can have support, but only you can do it.  You are not going crazy… you are a product of too much media that told our brains about “anxiety attacks”  and it sounded like a good avoidance method to our slightly obnoxious brains.   If it were just our spirits involved here, they would not have bought in to this.

Fact is people do not die from panic attacks.  I have fainted briefly and that is as bad as it ever got, the second I was unconscious (got my mind out of it) my body took over and breathing went on normally.  You do not need to know that really, just moving on is what is needed.   It is good to realize that the fear that something REALLY bad is going on - is an illusion.

These are my favorite methods (pick one… not all at the same time).   Use the second you have  the start of an anxious sensation.

1-      I reach out and feel the texture of something and really think about how it feels – even massaging my own hand, whatever.

2-      I sigh – breathe out –NOT big deep breath, that’s what screws you up and makes you hyperventilate – you breath out, long slow. Focus on the exhale.  Let your healthy, (smarter than you) body take the appropriate breath in AUTOMATICALLY.  Then you will get the right amount of oxygen.

3-      Have fun music, in the background – nice distraction.

4-      Say out loud “STOP” – relax your shoulders and straighten your neck, pull chin back into chest.  Posture, so that your lungs can function properly.

5-      Really look around, see everything like it’s the first time, and listen carefully, thinking about what is around you in detail.

6-      If I’m having a specific fear and it’s not realistic, I talk myself through it with some humor…

Like – so what if we fly off this road, at least we will die together.  My humor is probably not yours…  Change “what ifs”  to “so what”

Prevention

1         Snack between meals, not sugar- go for seeds, nuts, veggies, protein, and regular exercise.  I am better with the food than the exercise but do see a difference when I am spending time exercising – especially relaxing Pilates, stretching or yoga.

2         Diversion – that is the key – fill your day with things that you enjoy focusing on –I started with puzzles.  NOT TV    Do things without pondering on why… you should or shouldn’t – avoid negative thought.  Photography is a good thing,  putting all your focus on the view finder.  I do not do scary movies; I do not need an outside source for fear.

3         Getting off all meds for anxiety is the goal, but of course, you need to find out how to get off appropriately.

4         Ignoring the sensations is the goal after you’ve mastered stopping them dead in their tracks.

Panic attacks are the fear of fear… what a stupid vicious cycle. 

Now I’d like to go into how this fits with my religious beliefs.   God has not created a fear-based gospel.

We are to live in faith - remember this?  Luke 2  Fear not: for, behold, I bring you ^agood tidings of great ^bjoy, which shall be to all people.  God does not want us to fear.  Fear breeds inaction.  God operate in love, not with fear.  He wants us to DO things, experience life and serve.   Joy does not come from what we do, it flows from us into what we do.  We can have joy doing simple task.  It’s really up to us.

We may have many experiences with the Holy Ghost  where he has warned us of different things.  We may have had our heart quickened when we were about to bear our testimony of something.  What is the difference between the panic heart racing and the spirit getting you to speak up or act?  This took a lot of time for me to figure out.  Well – this is what I have learned…. The Spirit is not going to tell us to be afraid – cause you are randomly about to die.    The spirit heightens our awareness when we are in a bad situation and gives us instruction on what to do.  The fight or flight response is a subtle difference as it can be triggered by things that are not real.    I had to realize that there is more than one voice in my head.  Who I am, my spirit self and my mind/physical brain are not always on the same page.  Then there is the Holy Ghost, who is not half as loud as my brain voice – the critic.  I have to really listen to hear the Holy Ghost.  My brain can’t be going all over the place and decifer the prompting of the Holy Ghost.  My real self, my spirit self has options and can stop the child that is my brains banter if I determine to.

For example – I had a prowler in my room when I was about 18 and I woke with the fear that he was going to hurt me and my heart was pounding – so loudly that I thought he could probably hear it.  I prayed and the spirit told me to pretend to be asleep.  I did and he left; only stealing money on his way out.    The spirit didn’t help me freak out,.. it calmed me with a plan.

In an anxiety attack, there is no plan, just lost of control and no end in sight.   Yes, I have prayed during an attack, but there was nothing real going on – just my mind going down a bad road.  Heavenly Father wants you to stop having anxiety.  You need to notice if you feel a little uncomfortable, maybe you do need to do something, but melt down is not the best option.

Gordon B. Hinckley - Quotes:

Fear and worry have gripped the hearts of many. The Lord has said, “If ye are prepared ye shall not fear”

Fear not; only believe. This is the time, Fear not; only believe.

Isaiah 41:10 ^aFear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

When you see the wording “Fear the Lord” in the scriptures there is always a notation that explains the translation in this context means reverence or worship. It’s more of respect than what we think of when we say we fear something or someone.

 Book of Mormon, Alma 26: 27

  27 Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to ^aturn back, behold, the Lord ^bcomforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with ^cpatience thine ^dafflictions, and I will give unto you success.

Message here – this could take time and we need to be gentle with ourselves.  We need to have patience to see the light at the end of the tunnel.   Keep trying and don’t turn back to the old ways of dealing with things.  This could be the best thing that ever happened to you to make you grow and develop.

Part of a good talk by Elder Holland:    Don’t Lose Confidence

I wish to encourage every one of you regarding opposition that so often comes after enlightened decisions have been made, after moments of revelation and conviction have given us a peace and an assurance we thought we would never lose.

Paul said to those who thought a new testimony, a personal conversion, or a spiritual experience would put them beyond trouble, “Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompense of reward.

“For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise” (Heb. 10:35–36).

In LDS talk that is to say, “Sure it is tough. But don’t draw back. Don’t panic and retreat. Don’t lose your confidence. Don’t forget how you once felt. Don’t distrust the experience you had.” That tenacity is what saved Moses when the adversary confronted him, and it is what will save you.

This opposition turns up almost anyplace something good has happened. It can happen when you are trying to get an education. It can hit you after your first month in your new mission field. It certainly happens in matters of love and marriage.

Yes, there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been genuine illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it, trusted it, and lived for it, it is right now. Don’t give up when the pressure mounts. Face your doubts. Master your fears. “Cast not away therefore your confidence.” Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you.

Jeffrey R. Holland, “Remember How You Felt,” New Era, Aug 2004, 5 – entire talk is GREAT!

Great story told by Pres. Ezra Taft Benson

In March 1934 Admiral Richard Byrd (explorer of the North and South Poles) isolated himself in the wastes of Antarctica in a little nine-by-thirteen-foot hut buried in the snow. There he planned to remain during the six-month-long night, making weather observations. He took this task on himself. He would not order any of his men to do it.

One day he went outside to check the instruments in the midst of a raging blizzard. When he tried to get back inside the hut, he found the trapdoor frozen. He pulled and yanked, exerting all his strength. It was like trying to pull open a locked bank vault. The door was frozen solid. He tried to scrape off some of the snow around the edges. He threw himself on the door, trying to break the ice by the pressure of his body. He pulled, tugged, pushed, and pounded until he was worn out. Then he was terribly cold, even through his heavy clothing. His fingers were numb, losing feeling. He was alone in vast Antarctica, the frozen, wild wastelands.

The wind tore at him. He was about to panic. Ten minutes more in the cold, and it would be too late! With the mighty effort of his will, he resisted panic; he prayed. He forced himself to rest quietly, to think, to concentrate. Suddenly he remembered—a shovel! The other day when he had been checking the instruments, he had left a shovel outside. He crawled around. It had snowed a great deal in the past two days. Where was the shovel? He slipped and fell, and as he crashed, he struck something hard. He seized it; he had the shovel.

Now, back to the trapdoor of the hut! Somehow he got back. Somehow he wedged the handle of the shovel under the handle of the trapdoor. His hands were almost useless by this time. He threw his body across the handle of the shovel, and, God be praised, the ice cracked and the door opened.

How wonderful it would be if people everywhere could all be found daily—night and morning—on their knees, expressing thanks for blessings already received, acknowledging their dependence upon God, and seeking His divine guidance.

The example of people praying is more awe-inspiring, more powerful, than the explosion of an atomic bomb. The force of prayer is greater than any possible combination of man-controlled powers.

*****

I am going to finish this with this wonderful poem by MaryAnn Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves: who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

Recommended reading – Book of Mormon, Remembering Wholeness by Carol Tuttle

THE
DOCTRINE AND COVENANTS
OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS

SECTION 89

Revelation given through Joseph Smith the Prophet, at Kirtland, Ohio, February 27, 1833. HC 1: 327–329. As a consequence of the early brethren using tobacco in their meetings, the Prophet was led to ponder upon the matter; consequently he inquired of the Lord concerning it. This revelation, known as the Word of Wisdom, was the result. The first three verses were originally written as an inspired introduction and description by the Prophet.

1–9, Use of wine, strong drinks, tobacco, and hot drinks proscribed; 10–17, Herbs, fruits, flesh, and grain are ordained for the use of man and of animals; 18–21, Obedience to gospel law, including the Word of Wisdom, brings temporal and spiritual blessings.

  1 A Word OF Wisdom, for the benefit of the council of high priests, assembled in Kirtland, and the church, and also the saints in Zion—

  2 To be sent greeting; not by commandment or constraint, but by revelation and the word of wisdom, showing forth the order and will of God in the temporal salvation of all saints in the last days—

  3 Given for a principle with promise, adapted to the capacity of the weak and the weakest of all saints, who are or can be called saints.

  4 Behold, verily, thus saith the Lord unto you: In consequence of evils and designs which do and will exist in the hearts of conspiring men in the last days, I have warned you, and forewarn you, by giving unto you this word of wisdom by revelation—

  5 That inasmuch as any man drinketh wine or strong drink among you, behold it is not good, neither meet in the sight of your Father, only in assembling yourselves together to offer up your sacraments before him.

  6 And, behold, this should be wine, yea, pure wine of the grape of the vine, of your own make.

  7 And, again, strong drinks are not for the belly, but for the washing of your bodies.

  8 And again, tobacco is not for the body, neither for the belly, and is not good for man, but is an herb for bruises and all sick cattle, to be used with judgment and skill.

  9 And again, hot drinks are not for the body or belly.

  10 And again, verily I say unto you, all wholesome herbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man—

  11 Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with prudence and thanksgiving.

  12 Yea, flesh also of beasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used sparingly;

  13 And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be used, only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine.

  14 All grain is ordained for the use of man and of beasts, to be the staff of life, not only for man but for the beasts of the field, and the fowls of heaven, and all wild animals that run or creep on the earth;

  15 And these hath God made for the use of man only in times of famine and excess of hunger.

  16 All grain is good for the food of man; as also the fruitof the vine; that which yieldeth fruit, whether in the ground or above the ground—

  17 Nevertheless, wheat for man, and corn for the ox, and oats for the horse, and rye for the fowls and for swine, and for all beasts of the field, and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain.

  18 And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones;

  19 And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;

  20 And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.

  21 And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen.

This is a document that gets a lot of attention, as it should, in that as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we have had a directive in staying healthy since the 1800’s.  Pretty cool- I think.  Not having to be concerned being addicted to tobacco, alcohol and caffeine has been a blessing in my life.   The hot drink at the time was tea and coffee.  From that we assume it’s the caffeine that we should avoid, although that’s not one of those items that LDS are in agreement on.  Many of my LDS friends drink Diet Coke or Pepsi.  I don’t think it’s healthy to be addicted to the caffeine, but what’s worse is the artificial sweeteners that they are now finding don’t tell your body when it’s had enough.  Sugar - the real stuff, can stimulate the area of the brain related to expectation and satisfaction, which helps to switch off the desire for more sweetness.  Using brain imaging, research has discovered that artificial sweeteners are not activating the same neural pathways.  So you want more and more and more.  High fructose corn syrup - which is in practically everything - does the same thing.  That’s why America is getting fatter and fatter.  Conspiring men want us to keep eating and drinking and to never be satisfied.

Here is a little more info for you  - from Prevention.com  -written by Ben Kramer

Verdict: FACT. Despite their global popularity, there’s nothing remotely healthy about cola beverages: Drinking 16 ounces or more daily (whether diet or regular) doubles your risk of chronic kidney disease, according to a recent NIH study of more than 900 people. The researchers already knew that consuming any type of soft drink–the average American adult guzzles 59 gallons’ worth per year–is associated with several risk factors for kidney disease (hypertension, diabetes, and kidney stones), but the spike in the cola category was remarkable. Experts suspect that the ingredient phosphoric acid may be the culprit; it’s been repeatedly linked to “urinary changes that promote kidney stones,” say the study authors. Cola has an additional knock against it: Consumption is associated with significantly lower bone density in women, increasing the risk of osteoporosis and bone fractures, says a separate study.

 Bottom Line:If you’re going to indulge in an occasional soda, go for Sprite, 7-Up, ginger ale, and the like–the NIH study found that noncola drinks didn’t have the same impact on the kidneys. But you’ll be better off if you skip soda altogether, even the sugar-free varieties: Recent research showed an association between drinking diet soda and weight gain.”

What do we know about coffee - 175 years after this prophesy:

“Recent study at the Duke University Medical Center, found that levels of adrenalin and noradrenaline remained elevated at night even when subjects had slurped their last cup of coffee at lunchtime - in effect, mimicking 24-hour stress. And that’s not the only charge Haynes levels at the world’s second favorite drink, after tea. ‘Coffee is an anti-nutrient,’ he says. ‘It hampers the absorption of essential minerals including iron, magnesium, zinc and potassium, as well as the B vitamins.’ So, for example, drinking a cup of coffee while eating a hamburger can reduce the amount of iron you absorb by 40 percent, while zinc absorption is reduced if coffee is drunk within an hour after a meal.”

“Even more sinister links have been made between coffee and ill health. Various studies have concluded that avid coffee drinkers are more at risk of miscarriage and birth defects, osteoporosis, arthritis and heart disease.”

More on coffee:  

“Coffee gets its kick from caffeine, one of a group of naturally occurring plant-derived compounds called methylxanthines. Caffeine is a drug, pure and simple. It’s addictive. Too much can be toxic. Withdrawal causes side effects such as headaches and dizziness. When ingested, caffeine has a ‘global’ effect, meaning it influences all body tissues, including muscle.” http://www.ineedcoffee.com/03/coffeefitness/

I like the heart smart campaign:  http://www.heartsmartpledge.org/healthy-eating.php It sounds a lot like what I’ve been raised believing.

Doc says it’s not the Rock Concerts I went to as a teen, it’s not the ton’s of airplane flights I’ve been on, it’s not the loud music in the car, it’s not anything I’ve done… it’s just genetic.  Makes sense… my Aunts and Uncles have all lost their hearing - but they were much older than me when they noticed.  I didn’t really notice… my family did.  It took them 2 years to convince me that there was a problem.  Yeah… so I can’t hear the oven timer, I’ve never been able to rely on that.  Even in my early 20’s I preferred a timer that hung around my neck to remind me I was cooking.   I did notice that on my nifty phone, I had the volume set on the highest possible setting, that just seemed to be a cool feature.  I always turned the TV up louder when I came to watch.  My husband would ask if I could turn it down,  annoying…. how will I hear the dialog.  But no… I’m not losing my hearing.   Then I finally went to have the ears tested.  Let’s just prove to these people once and for all - put this idea to bed - my ears are fine.

I went into the little sound proof room.  Raise your hand as soon as you hear something.   Left ear, right ear, front and back.  Now listen to these words and repeat back.  Some of the words didn’t make sense, but that’s probably just part of the test.  Looking good, I don’t think I missed anything, the rhythm of the test seemed steady.  Except for the parts where she was adjusting things.

Then the lady comes in and says - “Well… I could fit you for hearing aids today if you would like.”  I lost my breathe.  I said…” what???  But I did so well? ”  She says, “You heard everything you could.”

I started to tear up.  Then she said, “When do you have problems hearing?”  I said - well… just in loud restaurants or at church or when people whisper… (like at the temple) - but it’s not that big of a problem.”

She said - “Think about it, sounds like you need time to adjust to the news, but whenever you are ready - hearing aids will help.

Off to my car I went, with a goal to grow out my hair past my ears.  A year later, with long hair - I went to Costco to be fitted with hearing aids.  I was 45 years old.  So basically somewhere around 40 I started to lose my hearing.  The friendly guy at the Aloha Costco tested me again and put some percentages on my loss which were not encouraging.  He said I was missing some higher frequencies and missed the hard consonants - like T, P and K ’s etc.. which seems really weird, but that’s why the word test seems foreign in spots, cause I’m missing the beginning of the words.    So I got hearing aids.

I don’t wear them all the time.  I found out the world is much noisier than I had thought.  I thought our neighborhood was amazingly quiet.  Not so…  I thought my cats had the oddest meows.  Turns out I was just missing many of the pitches, so it was a little broken up.  I would probably get used to them if I wore them all the time, but they do tire me out.  It’s all too much to hear, after a large sabbatical.

They are great in restaurants.  I can block out the background noise and I can probably hear better than most people in noisy places now.   I didn’t go cheap - my hearing aids have many settings.  I still like to have the words on the bottom of the screen for reading dialog during movies.  Did you know that the actors don’t always say what’s scripted?  I also like the description of horse neighing etc…

I realized that I had been guessing what people were saying for a long time before I came to grips with my loss.  Sometimes… “That’s fun.” is the wrong response to someones comment.  Like if they say… “my father passed away.”  and you think they are telling you about their fathers last vacation… it just doesn’t work to guess.   I’ve had people tell me that when they first met me they thought I was rude, snobby, or aloof.  No, just in my own little zone and can’t hear you or have stopped trying to hear, cause it was frustrating.

So maybe I didn’t cause my own hearing loss.  But what if I didn’t help the situation… what if my kids who are predisposed to the genetic condition listen to their Ipods for more than an hour a day at a higher setting than recommended.  Will they start to go deaf before they are 40?   Our relatives live until their 90’s on both sides of the family… That’s a LONG time to not hear without a battery operated device.   Glad I have the option, but keeping your ears safe and well is the better route.

http://www.betterhearing.org/hearing_loss_prevention/?gclid=CJTP2onh0ZQCFR4vagodrXQ-kQ

Looking for a great date night or family friendly venue?

Live in Portland OR - or plan to visit in June?

June 14th 2008 - Jim Band Produced - http://www.jimband.com/concerts.htm

 Stephanie Smith opening -  http://www.myspace.com/stephaniesmith  - to hear sample of her music.   Story teller through song - WONDERFUL

Eclipse - headliner -  http://eclipsesingers.com/  if you like great music take the time to see these guys. They are great.

WHERE: 

Being a lifer LDS, (being born to parents already in Mormon/LDS church) I can only truly speak from my point of view but I’d like to point out the differences in the two religions from, again… my perspective.

They - the FLDS are getting a lot of press.  That messy situation in Texas and the Presidential race, although Mitt is out of it, have put some attention on our church.  It is causing my kid to get grief in school and questions, so the issue needs some clarification. 

Size of churches - FLDS 11,000 worldwide -   LDS 12 million worldwide

LDS -   USA total as 5,779,316, world total 12,868,606. Most of those outside of the USA are in Latin American countries

Dress code

FLDS do not cut the women’s hair, and wear long vintage looking dresses.   No make-up for the ladies.  Not sure on the guys…

LDS - the guideline is that we dress modestly, meaning covering: shoulders, cleavage, tush, and upper leg.  No short shorts.  Women keep piercings down to one in each ear, and no tattoos.  A guy - no piercings, no tattoo and similar to women in that modest dress is the guideline.  We still believe in dressing in our “Sunday Best” to go to church.  Girls in dresses, and guys wear dress shirts and ties.  We do this to show our respect for the Lord’s house.

Marriage - it’s the biggie

FLDS - this I’ve learned from interviews on Oprah and other news shows…  The men can have more than one wife.  The hook ups are set up by leaders, not the individuals involved, not even their parents…  They marry young, as young as 14 for sure, as that’s what got their Prophet sent to jail. They can be set up with first cousins.  If the girls don’t want to do it, they will be shunned and made to feel guilty.  Marriages can be rearranged by the prophet - even from jail?  I guess so.

LDS  - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has not practiced polygamy for over 100 years.  We don’t encourage teen marriages.  We encourage our girls to go to college.  We fall in love and marry whom we want to.

This is the definition of polygamy on the LDS churches web site:

Influenced by rumors and exaggerated reports, the United States Congress, beginning in 1862, enacted a series of laws against polygamy that became increasingly harsh. Groups who teach polygamy today are not part of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

That is what it says on the LDS.org web site.   Can men be actively married to more than one wife, yes… just not two live ones.  If your wife dies, or divorces, a man can marry another wife in the temple.  This may seem unfair, I guess - If you feel that you would like to deal with more than one man in the afterlife… I would rather not.  Would I mind being surrounded by sisters… that’s do-able.    I used to joke that if the committment I’m making for an eternal companionship involves me and him and no girlsfriends… I’d rather not.  In rural areas of Tibet- Women marry more than one husband.  The women are the leaders and run the show in that culture.  Interesting.

So if the US Congress changed its mind and made polygamy legal, would the Church go back to the practice?  I just couldn’t guess… we do have a Prophet.  His name is Thomas S. Monson and if the Lord wanted us to do something, he would go through our Prophet.  I do know that Prophets in the Bible had multiple wives - so it’s something to think about, but can’t say I worry about it.  One of our beliefs is to be law-abiding citizens; we pay our taxes and finish our homes.  We do not feel the need to live on state lines.

I am sure there are other major differences, but I have limited knowledge about the FLDS church, so that is all I can compare.

I know that I do not feel repressed, or a prisoner by the guidelines of the LDS church.  I feel blessed and enjoy having personal revelation often that continues to teach me more about the plan of happiness and about our eternal progression.

Visit Mormon.org for more info regarding the teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

]When Martha was almost three I took her and Dirk to Minnesota to help my mother after a surgery.  We had been there a week and the day came to go home.  My mother lives in a condo on the 16^th floor over an Embassy Suites hotel in downtown Minneapolis.

I had gone somewhere with the kids and after parking the car in the underground parking ramp I got a shopping cart to take a sleeping Martha up and to help bring the luggage back down.  In the elevator a really sharp looking couple talked to me about how precious the sleeping Martha looked.  We only had a little while before we needed to leave for the airport, so I started to load the luggage in the shopping cart right away when we got to my mom’s condo.  When I said it was time to go, both kids ran down the long hallway to the elevator ahead of me while I struggled pushing a heavy shopping cart behind them over carpet.  All of a sudden I heard Dirk shouting and left the luggage and ran ahead to find only Dirk standing in front of the elevators.  He said that Martha had got on- I said which one and tried to get that elevator back.  When it opened a maintenance man with a floor washing bucket thing was on and I asked if he had seen my daughter and he said, “no one was on” when he entered.  Then I pretty much started to fall apart.  Between the fact that this was a 24-story building and connects by skyways to most of downtown and that strangers are scary – I was freaking out.  The maintenance man said; “let’s get down to the security on the first floor.” I was encouraged, as I pictured us looking at security camera monitors and finding her quickly.  That was not how the security person saw it… She said, okay you start on the lowest floor and I’ll go high… and then I realized we were really in trouble.  I went down to the parking area and when I opened the door, my mom was walking in and I said – Melissa is missing… in big sobbing cries and even though I had just showed too much emotion about Grandma’s cat… She figured it out when she saw that I only had  Dirk with me.  She said… “That’s ridiculous”, to the idea of going from floor to floor, and said, “let’s go back up to security.”  Well when the elevator door opened – the first thing we saw was that Sharp couple talking to the security woman with Martha right there.  Turns out that out of all the floors, Martha had ended up on their floor and she had walked off and went down the hall just like you would to my mom’s condo.  She wandered past their door, which miraculously was held open (breaking a condo association rule, not to leave your door open, because it sucks the AC from the halls…) The woman thought she saw Martha walk by out of the corner of her eye and went out and found her.

Talk about Miracles…   out of all the people that live in that building – the only ones I had chatted with all week – found Martha.   Coincidence – I think not.

Driving up to the drop box at the small local library in Cordova Tennessee, I had a very random thought come to my mind.  It seemed so random that I decided I better follow it.  I had driven right up to the box and had the handle opened to put the books we were returning in when my mind had the thought, “better take them into the library”.  I wasn’t planning on getting more books that day, but thought, “okay, but I don’t see why?”  I decided to let the big kids have a growing experience and sent them in with the books. 

This library is amazingly small.  It’s manned by one person and is smaller than anyone’s house.  It’s actually just a room in another building.  The kids went through the door and I expected them to be out in less than a minute.  When too much time passed,  I was starting the process to go in after them.  Right then the door of the library opened and out came my children and the librarian who told me that the tape was missing to the book/tape packet that I was returning.  Then I had the thought to look around the car.  Searching through the back seat, I looked in the side where it can fall down between the seat and the edge and sure enough there it was.

Now this might not seem like something the spirit would help you with.  It saved me the time of coming back when the library called to tell me it was missing, and possibly the chance of the tape falling into the street somewhere and not being noticed.  Then I would have to pay for the replacement.  I was very grateful for that experience.  Mostly it taught me that our father thinks that things are important, if they are important to us.  He wants to help us.  I wasn’t asking for specific help, but I was living my life with a prayer in my heart.

In my reading lately - I’ve come across some authors that speak to me and teach me truths that explain aspect of my brain in ways that I haven’t understood before. 

Can non LDS (Mormon) people receive inspiration that would be worth our listening?  How would they have such a gift of the Holy Ghost if they have not been properly baptized?  Are they left on their own, these brothers and sisters until they run into missionaries? 

I believe – yes, we should be open to listening to people that are inspired.  If their message rings true they are most likely inspired by God.  A constant companion is the gift we are offered at baptism.  How many of us LDS folks can say they have truly accepted that gift. Constant being the key word. I think I do accept the gift on occassion, but fight with it more than I listen and go with it.  Logic rules much of them time.  The logic of the ego mind which is less than reliable.

Some great leaders paved the way for people to move closer to the full truth.  Many churches and theologies around the world hold many truths.  I want to change the way we LDS say – I believe this is the only true church.  Saying – I believe we have the fullness of the gospel that is available to us at this time – is more accurate.  To say that everyone else is wrong is a bit too general and just plain wrong and egotistical.

I’m so glad that there are preachers and writers out there that are making people ready to receive the fullness of the gospel.  They are encouraging people to do good, not just make merry for tomorrow you will be saved anyway.  That is not the message that is being preached in the things that I’m reading.  Saved – yes by His grace we will all be saved, and if we could really accept that at face value and not throw a ton of buts on it - we would be much closer to living a celestial life.  If we could accept where we are right now, be happy with how things are in our life, we would be preparing ourselves for more.  Constantly feeling that we are not doing enough is counterproductive.  It brings us down.  When we can handle where we are at now we will be given more.  The scriptures say we will never be given more than we can handle.  If it looks hard right now, with our list of – but I’m not doing this right… or this… then we will not be given more.

I’m not talking about stuff and riches here.  I’m talking about knowledge and responsibility to help in the plan.

Look back at all the people in history – that were not LDS – some did not even have a strong love of the Savior, yet they have been inspired to help with the preparation of the restoration.   Martin Luther added to the period of enlightenment that made it possible for the young Joseph Smith to be seeking and find followers that were also seeking and willing to accept something new.  The authors of the constitution and declaration of independance.  Religious tolerance was essential in the plan of restoring the gospel to the earth.   Ben Franklin was a gifted and inspired leader in so many areas.

Look at the classical composers – their music is so inspired.  Handel’s Messiah, Mozart, Beethoven – looking at their lives, they did not always live in such a way that you would think they could be so inspired, but God worked through them anyway.   There are current songs from popular artist that bring me to tears as the spirit teaches through their message.  The Lord is going to work with whoever will be ready to teach his message.  He knows that our missionaries are not going to be invited in every door.

As we prepare for the second coming of Christ – I believe that the Lord is going to use many people to get more and more people closer to the path.  Every knee will bow and every tongue confess - that Jesus is the Christ - savior to mankind.

Excited to have a spot to publish my stories that I continue to learn from.